Political Jokes

Kenyan political math

A kenyan politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the

senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed

by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked

"How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"

The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.

"Can you see the river?"

"Yes"

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

"Of course", said the minister.

"10 percent", said the senator smugly.



Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Kenyan

minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his

house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had

built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.

"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Shilings?', he asked.

The minister called him to the window.

"See the river over there?"

"Sure", cried the senator.

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said -

"No, I don't see any bridge."

"100 percent", said the minister !!

Now that Us has first African American as president will an Indian be next

Top Ten Reasons why there won't be an Indian US President Anytime Soon
10. White House not big enough for in-laws
9. Engineering, medicine, law and motels always preferred over politics
8. Agarbattis will set off smoke alarms
7. Can't find decent masala dhosa inside the beltway
6. Secret service can't handle nagging from mother
5. Dignitaries generally intimidated by eating with hands at state dinners
4. No chance for promotion
3. Chewing pan masala not considered politically correct
2. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in
1. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles
 

Demanding recount

There was a political leader who was on the verge of being defeated in the elections. When he received a phone call saying that his wife had delivered triplets, he exclaimed: "Oh! I demand a recounting."

Shocked Bush

Donald Rumsfeld gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the president exclaimed. "That's terrible!"

His staff was stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head in his hands.

Finally, the president looked up and asked, "Just how many is a brazillion?"

                                                  Biggest Thief

Mr . Mwai Kibaki was sitting with his Ministers examining mail. Suddenly Mr. Kibakii cried out : ' Look at this letter ! It is addressed to the biggest thief in Kenya  '. His ministers tried to calm him by saying : How dare a man address such a letter to you ? '. Mr Kibaki replied sadly : This does not bother me, but why did the postman deliver it at the right address?'

                                                                                     Moi and stamps

When Daniel Arap Moi was the president  Kenya Moi wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he instructed his people, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and Moi was pleased. But within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called the people responsible and ordered them to investigate the matter. They checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported the problem to Moi. The report said, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."

                                                                eBusiness in Kenya

A corrupt minister used to write "NOT APPROVED" on all the papers that were sent to him by his assistants. He always left a significant space between NOT and APPROVED. When the affected persons suitable greased his palms, he would recall the file and just add an "E:" after NOT so that it became "NOTE: APPROVED". This was the beginning of eBusiness in Kenya

                                                A Kenyan politician goes to the US

A Kenyan politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the Senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"
The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 per cent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The kenyan minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in shilings?', he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure", cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said - "No, I don't see any bridge."
"100 percent", said the minister!!

                                       President Kibaki  vs Bill Gates

Bill Gates : Jambo! you must have heard of Windows.

kibaki : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.

Gates : Have you installed Windows at home?

kibaki : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.

Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?

kibaki : OPERATION ? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.

Gates(Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in Kenya.

Kibaki: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.

Gates: By the year 2002 kenya should export computer chips.

kibaki: We are already exporting Muhogo Chips.

Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?

kibaki: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.

Gates(Sweating Heavily): The PrimeMinister knows a lot about RAM and ROM.

kibaki : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in Changaa fomart

Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.

Kibaki: I have exhausted all my leave. Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.

Kibaki: BITE? I believe in  power sharing. I will not bite.

Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting.Please wait............."

Where is Musharaff now days?

COCONUT HEAD

During an International conference, three scientists, an American, a
German, and a Kenyan, were talking and bragging about the
technological
advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of
medicine.

The American said "In Washington, there was a baby boy born without
arms
so we attached artificial arms on him. And now that he's grown up and
became an Olympic professional boxer and a gold medalist !"

The German replied, "That's nothing to what we have achieved. Back in
Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair
of
artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time Olympics marathon gold
medalist !"

The Kenyan interjected " Is that all you have achieved , just gold
medalists? In Baringo Kenya we had a baby boy born without a HEAD ! We
attached a COCONUT and called him Moi and he has grown up and he is
the past President of Kenya