VISA NA MIKASA…………ATA N’KWAMBIYE 13!

Al hadhirina, kidole kimeteleza, this is supposed to be visa na mikasa number 13 siyo B Kwa hivyo mukipata moja niB na nyingine ni 13 it is the same thing. Samamhani

            Last week I ended my visa na mikasa with the mother sending her child to the teacher and giving the teacher the right to beat the child as he/she see fit. If the child is smart, he/she should say, “Alhamdulillah” In case you are wondering why, I will explain. I have seen a father beat a child, and I have seen a mother beat a child, one thing I can tell you I will take the beating from a father anytime. You see the Kenyatta of the house will first narrow his eyes, then he will clear his throat-yaani ndiyo kunguruma huko, - then he will pull anything close by, let it be a belt, a stick, or even the Taifaleo which had been well folded. By now you know for sure leo ni kuchapwa tuuuu nothing will convince the Kenyatta of the house to change his mind. You will be showing all signs of fear, through the warm stream flowing between your legs, the shaking, and the soprano voice in the choir of ‘Have mercy with the beating dad!!’ You will get beaten for sure but it will be fast and vigorous. One or two spanks will be enough to make you realize who is the president of the house. Then there is the Mama Ngina of the house. First she will be watching the child doing whatever mischief and hope that he will stop. Then she will start talking to the child with her eyes. If that does not work then the warning will be verbal: “WACHA!!!!……HUSIKIII!!……NTAKUPIGA!!……USINIKASIRISHE!”  The child jumps to every word the mother hauls. The child starts to wonder what is wrong with Mama Ngina today? Why is she talking like this? She never completes a sentence, and every word she utters, she bulges her eyes. So the child starts to laugh, thinking maybe it is a new game that once you reach this age you play. “ WATEKA TENA!!!”  The mother continues, and the child laughs more. Now Mama Ngina is very angry and has decided to beat the child The beating is different, and it always gets the child unprepared. Yaani ni ngoma ya kivyake. First the mother will announce that she had had enough, and that the beating will commence on finding the kikoto. This is what I call kupeleka bembe. Now Mama Ngina of the house will be coming from wherever she found the kikoto, talking to herself. A smart child will be very attentive, because these are the best times to know the genealogy of your mother. The child has to go through a psychological agitation. The child will have to listen to a speech given by a strange woman that had been referred to as Mama all these days by him. “ Leo utanijuwa mimi mwana wa nani, mwana haramu wewe. Si wajidai mwanamume, utantambuwa mimi nnani. Labda siye mimi nlokubeba miezi tisiya tumboni. Kila ukiambiwa wajifanya kama ambaye huna mashikiyo. Wanifanya mimi nazungumza na ukuta hapa. Basi leo utanieleza huo uziwi wako watoka wapi mshenzi mkubwa wahed!.” By this time the child is totally paralyzed. He can’t move and can’t speak. The muscles around the face are beginning to elongate giving notice that crying will commence whether I get beaten or not. At this time nothing could convince the mother to change her mind. So….. the beating begins.Remember I told you that the father beats fast and vigorous with no words. The mother beats differently. With every word the kikoto will land on you.

“Mimi” kikoto

“Nlikuambiya” kikoto

“Usitezee” kikoto

“Maji” kikoto

“Lakini” kikoto

“Husikii” kikoto, and it goes on. The biggest mistake a child does, is when he/she tries to resist. Words like lakini now becomes la….ki…..ni.. And each is followed with a kikoto. The child has learnt that he would rather have lakini broken to la…ki…ni by clinging to the mother very close and holding her clothes so that she will not be able to beat effectively. What the child forgets is that the mother throws away the kikoto and goes for the mwiko. On seeing the mother coming with a mwiko, the child decided to run. He runs from one room to the other, and around the house. He can’t run outside because Swalehe was told by the mama Ngina of the house to guard the door and make sure that the child does not run; otherwise the mwiko will land on him. So Swalehe will guard the door religiously. He will even attempt to catch the child so that he can prove to the mother that she made the right choice on picking him to be the prefect of the house. By this time the mother is breathing heavily, probably the kibwebwe has fallen or was removed for easy movement, and bigger paces. The child is crying so loud and begging for forgiveness:

 “ Ngaaaa……… basi mamaaaaaa………, nnatubuuuuuu……sifanyi tenaaaa…….. ngaaaaaaaa” Now the mother becomes the kadhi of the moment and inform the child that, “ Hizo toba za Fir’auni leo hazitofaa. Utazama na mwiko leo.”

If you know Majengo well, you then should be aware of the arrangement of the houses before Kenya became multi party. The houses were arranged in line, close to each other and well planned. By this time the whole neighbourhood knows that there is some serious beating going on. All the children of the neighbourhood have swarmed the door and trying to take a peek. With Swalehe at the door, the children are having difficulty to see free drama, but nevertheless, no one will leave the door. One concerned mother from the house opposite, starts to feel sorry for child taking the beating, therefore she calls her son who is with the other kis by the door. “We Omari haya ondoka hapo mlangoni au na wewe utapata lako sasa hivi. Husikii… Usinifanye nikaja hapo na mimi….N’takutandika mpaka umuone mamake Swalehe ni mwanafunzi…(msonyo)”  In the house of akina Swalehe the child was able to escape and pass through Swalehe. The child has now started the marathon of running in the neighbourhood shirtless, with his face totally wet from the tears and the runny nose. “Mshikeni huyo bardhuli!”  Ordered the mother. The instant mercenary of the neighbourhood started chasing after the child, with Swalehe on the lead. The child is caught and is carried over everyone’s head with cheers. “Tumemshika eee….Tumemshika eeeeeee……. Atakula mboko eeeeee…. Ataipata eeee….” The child tries to struggle to free himself but with so many hands he gives up. Some neighbours try to console the mother and put some sense into her head that the beating has to end. The child and those of the whole neighbourhood have learnt a lesson not to mess with their mothers. “ Tena nnamwambiya mimi…..lakini hasikii…..anifanya mimi sina kazi nyingine za kufanya….”  The mother is explaining to the neighbourhood breathing heavily between words.

            So the child arrives home, with his hands and feet tied by the mercenaries. Don’t ask where did the rope come from.

“ Utafanya tena?”

“ A-a” responds the child shaking his head

“Ukiambiwa maneno utasikiza?”

“Ndiyooooo, basi mama nnatubuuuuu sifanyi tenaaaaa”

 So the beating ends. The child will continue crying for the next few hours. Nobody bothers him now. They left him in a corner on his own crying. The child will be taking breaks every now and then, but then he will go on crying. I call this kuvuta uradi.