VISA NA MIKASA………….. ATA N’KWAMBIYE 5!

            Majini do exist. There is no way any one can convince me otherwise. As Muslims I know we all do believe in the existence of Majini. For those mathematic geniuses they could come up with other derivative of Majini like: Mizimwi, Pepo, Mashetwani, Maruhani, Majaddi, etc. Then when one is visited by any one of these guys, we say:

‘Jamaa ampagawa.’

‘Jamaa ampandwa npepo.’

‘Jamaa ampandwa na majaddi.’ Interesting enough, Majaddi comes in dhikiri only.

‘ Jamaa ana Maruhani.’ This is a guy that can communicate with the other world. Here is where I try to prove the Psychic guys with their Psychic TV channels that they are not the first ones to come with such methods of communication.

‘Jamaa ana Mashetwani.’ And the list goes on.

            Maybe you are wondering what is going on with Said Nuweisr today that he is taking us to the world of Majinni. My answer, as usual, I have visa na mikasa to narrate to you about the Majinni this week. You all know the problem SOL had this week. Almost every member received empty mails. I therefore asked myself if SOL had been ‘visited’ by one of these guys. I even thought of going to the market and make sure that chicken of all colors are available. Thanks God to the Mafundi mitambo that they said SOL haikupagawa wala haina pepo, it is just a technical problem that can be solved if certain information is available. I was worried that had our wagangas said that all computers that had access to SOL were exorcized. Then all owners will have to slaughter a red or white or black chicken to get rid of the ‘visitor’ by circumambulating around the house with the chicken and spread the blood. Here is where the problem will arise. I live on the Twenty Second floor, how will I circumambulate my apartment? As if this would not be enough a problem, how can I do this discreetly without being seen by the animal right activists. As I said, thank God it was a problem that would not need any chinjaring of kuku. While I am writing this episode, my finger pressed a certain button that I cant even recall and it sent last week’s visa na mikasa by mistake. This is really starting to scare me guys. Now for todays episode:

There are two incidents that happened at two different places. The first one happened at, Shanzu Teachers College, and the second one, at Serani Primary School. Both these incidents were narrated to me by two of my teachers. They later on became colleagues.

SHANZU TEACHERS COLLEGE:

            I have never been to Shanzu teachers college. From what I was told, the dining hall was far away from the dormitories. This is the Shanzu of the late fifties and early sixties. Between the dormitories and the dining hall you have to pass by a baobab tree. The teacher who narrated this story to me said that there were very strong rumors that the place had been visited by majinni. All the students believed that the place was haunted. They said that they use to hear loud laughters late at night coming from non- residential areas. Actually, these were areas resided by creatures other than human. I will stick with the name Banjo to protect the teacher’s identity.

            Banjo is from Mombasa, his roommate was from Taita by the name of Sam. His best friend was a mkalasinga (like all other Sikhs) called Singh. The rumors somehow disturbed Banjo so much. All the upcountry students blamed him and they demanded that he remove these ‘visitors’ BY ALL MEANS NECESSASSARY! Banjo decided to have a meeting with his roommate Sam.

“Wajuwa hawa jamaa wamezidi sasa.” Complained Banjo to Sam. “Mimi nataka niwape funzo” continued Banjo, “Once and for all.”

“ Umepanga nini?” asked Sam

“Nataka niwatishe. Lakini usiambiye mtu yoyote.” Said Banjo

“Usiwe na wasiwasi. Mimi niko na wewe.” Promised Sam.

            Therefore Banjo unfolded the plan he had to Sam, and picked the night that he will teach the whole school a lesson. Nobody knew of the plans except Sam, who kept his promise. Banjo made sure that even Singh will not be informed, since his nick name was ‘guess what?’

            The night in question came. As I informed you earlier, the distance between the dorm and the dining hall is quite big, and totally dark. Banjo took a box and put it over his head. He then took a white bed sheet and put over the box. He made holes through the box and the white sheets to see. On top of the box he glued two pen torches. He then went and sat under the Mbuyu. The torches were on. It just happened that the first student to come out of the dining hall was a religious Born Again Christian (BAC). He was humming his hymns and clapping quietly. When he reached close to the Mbuyu, Banjo got up and spread his arms. All you could see was a white sheet and some illumination over the head. On seeing this, BAC froze. He made several crosses on his chest and ran towards the dormitories shouting at the top of his voice, “ MUNGU WANGU WEEEEE SHETANI! SHETANI! CHINI YA MUTI! WAJAMENI SHETANIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!”

            Banjo went back to his hiding place laughing his lungs off. For a minute he even forgot about his purpose under the tree, for few students passed and he did not get up to scare them. After recovering from the laughter he prepared himself to the next person that comes. That is when the world broke loose.

            Behind him, Banjo saw a body totally white like chokaa skipping towards him and calling, “ Banjo, Banjo eeeh. Banjo, ningojee nami. Banjo usifanye kitu mpaka nikufikiye.” This scared the digested by-product out of Banjo. Banjo was asking himself who could this creature that knows his name be. He therefore decided to jump out of the Baobab tree and run towards the dormitories with his hand spread sideways and the light over his head on. He started running and shouting, “ Shetwani jamaa shetwaniiii!!” Behind him the white body was still coming after him and calling his name. People started running away from Banjo, and Banjo was running away from the white body, which was still skipping and running funny after him. To reach his room Banjo had to pass through the toilets. Just as he was passing, Singh Guess What was coming out of the toilet. On seeing a white sheet moving towards him and a white body following, he jumped up and dropped his towel. He didn’t care about the towel or the fact that we has totally naked. He just rushed back into the toilet and closed the door behind him. Banjo passed him and rushed to his room and locked the door behind him. A few seconds later, there was a knock on his door. “ Banjo funguwa!!”

“Nani?” asked Banjo scared even to get close to the knob.

“ Funguwa mlango wewe, wacha machezo mazeee. Mimi Sam hapa.”

            After collecting himself, Banjo slowly opened the door only to find out that the white body was Sam.

“ Weee unwazimu wewe? Sasa manake nnini kufanya hivyo?” asked Banjo very angrily

“ Mimi nilikuwa naja kuungana na wewe ili tuwatishe vizuri.”

“Sasa si uniambiye kwanza kabla ya kufanya hivi. Wataka kunitiya wazimu. Usifanye kitu kama hiki tena bwana ala. Wataka kunitiya wazimu.”

“ Idea hii inijia dakika ya mwisho basi sikupata nafasi ya kukujulisha. Hata hiyo chokaa nimejipaka nyasini. Nguo zangu nimeziwacha huko nyasini..”

            So this is the story of the Majini in Shanzu. For the ones in Serani …… to be continued.

Said Nuweisr

Toronto